Vance VanPelt II

     
     Z Y X W V U T S R Q P O N M L K J I H G F E D C B A.  A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.  Z Y X W V U T S R Q P O N M L K J I H G F E D C B A.  A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.  No, I did not do it.  No I did not do it. No sir, I did not do it.  I wasn't even near that family that night.  "Shut up in there boy, or you'll talk to the teacher again."  Sorry!  Sorry!  No sir, I don't need taught today sir.
     Screw that pig.  I wish he would just keel over and die right now.  No, I did not kill the Much's your honor.  I'm not sure what happened.  It was late, I'm sure I was sleeping or something.  No, no, no, no!  They'll never believe that.  Think!  I was in my basement working on a project.  No, you idiot, you don't even have a basement.  Z Y X W V U T S R Q P O M, I mean N L K J I H G F E D C B A.  Try the honest approach, yes I hated that family, but I would never of killed them.  I couldn't kill anyone, I must of been watching television.  I'm sorry, I just don't remember what I was doing that night!  Sure, the jury would just love that honest approach. You might as well skip the trial.
     Light, I need light!  Light!  Pigs, I need some sunshine you bastards.  "You need some light boy?  Sure, you can see the light."  No, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.  Don't teach me, put it down, I'll be good.  No, that hurts so bad, please, no more.  "Do you see the light boy, have you been taught?"  Yes, yes, the teacher taught me good sir, I'll be good.
     Oh my god, my back.  That pig, next time that billy club goes up his ass.  The teacher hug, I'll teach him, I'll teach him how that black baton feels across his bare back.  I don't care if he kills me, never again, no more beatings.  I've got pride you know.  Yep, have fun getting that club surgically removed if you try it again you pig.  "What did you say Clyde, are you talking bad about me?"  No sir, no, I'm just reminding myself how stupid I was.  No sir, no more problems from in here!  I'm just enjoying my hotel room.  I hate that stinking pig.
     Z Y X W V U T S R Q P O N M L K J I H G F E D C B A.  No, I did not commit that crime.  I was at home, by myself.  That is not my pistol, I don't know whose it is, your honor.  I don't even own a gun.  I'm actually scared of them, they kill people you know.  Duh, you moron, of coarse he knows that.  I was framed, that's it, I was set up.  There must of been a conspiracy against me and that's why you think I killed them.
     "You've got a visitor Clyde."  Hello Reverend Simms.  I don't know why you're here.  I'm just waiting to talk to my lawyer and am ready to straighten everything out.  Yes, I know I've only got an hour to wait, I'm sure he'll be here even quicker than that.  Are you speaking to somebody on the list today Reverend Simms?  Please, go be with him, we can talk later.  You're
right, I'll probably be gone in an hour, I'll stop by the church in a few days.
     "Everything alright in there father?  You've only got a few more minutes left."  See, you've better get on and bless that poor man that needs you.  I know I have a few sins to confess, but they barely compare to some needy person on the list.  I am going to be fine, my lawyer will have everything straightened out for me in no time at all, you'll see.
     What are you doing?  Don't touch my forehead, that tickles, please stop.  Oh, you're praying, well I'm sure there are better people than me to confess your sins to.  Please, I'm only to have one friend over at a time, my lawyer is coming, so you'll need to be gone in order for him to come in and visit me.
     "Reverend Simms, I'm sorry but you'll have to leave."  You see, he's here, I'll be ready to pack up and leave in no time.  Bye bye Reverend, please find someone to talk to about your problems.
     Z Y X W V U T S R Q P O N M L K J I H G F E D C B A.  A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.  A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.
     Mama, what are you doing here?  Why are you crying?  I hate it when you are sad, what is making you cry mama?  Is it Billy, I told him to stay out of trouble while I was staying here.  Is he causing trouble mama?  I'll straighten him out when I get out of this place today.  I've just got to talk to my lawyer first mama, then I check out of this hotel.   Look at this bed mama, I'm staying at a Holiday Inn next time, this place doesn't even have a pool.  Why won't you talk mama?  I love you too, but I'm tired of hugging.  I just want to talk to that damn lawyer, where in the hell is he?  Please excuse my language mama.  That's another problem with this hotel, all of the other guests have such dirty mouths.  You would hate their filthiness mama, nobody even likes it here. I don't know how this place does any business.  All I know is that once I check out, I'm never checking back in to this hell hole.
     "Mrs. Becker, you'll have to leave now."  You see mama, its time to go, I've got to check out now.  Alright, one last kiss and hug, but I don't know why, you will see me later on today. "It's time Mrs. Becker, I'm sorry."  I love you too mama, I'll see you later on today.
     "Clyde, you get ready in there, you are about to walk the row."  Yes!  I knew it!  I'm about to walk on out of this place  It's about time, I feel like this weekend has lasted for about fifteen years.  I better start packing, I want to leave as soon as possible.
     "Are you ready boy, You've got five more minutes."  Yes, I'm ready doorman Jim.  I will be ready whenever you will let me go, I can't wait!  "Shut up Clyde, I'll be back in five minutes. If you call me a doorman one more time, I'll kill you myself.  Hello Warden, is this the young pup I'm to take with me today?  Howdy, I'm officer Jim Wolters, are you ready to escort a lunatic?"
"Yes sir Jim, I'm deputy Shawn Schweitzer.  I'm in my first year of training and have never seen one before."  Well Shawn, they're all about the same, once you've seen one crazy man get it, you've seen them all.  It is 7:57, let's go get him.  We'll see you in the room warden."  
     Z Y X W V U T S R Q P O N M L K J I H G F E D C B A .  A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.  Z Y X W V U T S R Q P O N M L K J I H G F E D C B A.   "Clyde, what the hell are you doing?"  What do you mean doorman Jim?  "Dammit Clyde, I told you not to call me that again.  I'm not opposed to beating the tar out of you one last time."  I'm sorry Jim, have I offended you.  By the way, we haven't met, I'm Clyde.  "Oh, um, I'm Shawn, Deputy Shawn Schweitzer."  Well Shawn, are you friends with Jim or are you working at this hotel too?  "Clyde, shut up.  Why in the hell did you pack all this crap up?"  What do you mean Jim, I just packed my belongings.  "You were to leave the bedding fool, you are to pack up your personal belongings to give to your family.  You're an idiot, leave all that crap and we'll sort through it later."  
     "Let's walk Clyde."  Z Y X W V U T S R Q P O N M L K J I H G F E D C B A.  A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.  Z Y X ......"What is he doing Jim?"  "He's just reciting the alphabet frontwards and backwards.  It's hard to tell because he goes so fast. But, I guess it would be pretty easy to perfect something like that when you work on it for fifteen years."........R S T U V W X Y Z.  Z Y X    "Alright Clyde, that's enough, let's go on the walk."  
     Jim, did you realize how all of these rooms are identical to mine?  I guess there aren't any suites here.  If I was manager of this joint I would make some suites.  Don't you think so Shawn? Don't you agree that there should be some suites and maybe a swimming pool too?  Don't listen to him Shawn,  he's a nut.  He tries to convince himself that this place is a hotel."  Z Y X W V U T S R Q P O N M L K J I H G F E D C B A.  A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.
     Jim, My meal was extraordinary.  That was a pleasant surprise.  Did you have something to do with that?  Room service, who would of thought?  I didn't even order it, hell I can't afford room service!  I never order room service.  To top it off, they let me pick out whatever I wanted to eat.  Now I'm not trying to point fingers, but the food here is normally awful.  That is probably why everyone hates this hotel and can't wait until they can leave.  But, this meal was different, it was fit for a king!  Do you know what I had Shawn, do you?  C'mon, ask me, ask me what I had.  Don't look at Jim, ask me buddy, c'mon because you'll never guess.  "What did you have Clyde?"  Oh my goodness, let me tell you!  I had a great appetizer to start the meal off.  I ate a platter of milano sticks, baked crisp.  They were all organized in a circle around the best marinara sauce you could imagine.  The plate even had that green stuff on it.  You know, uh, um, that green leafy stuff....PARSLEY!  Yeah, it was for decoration you know, you're not supposed to eat it.  But guess what, I did anyway.  I just gobbled the entire piece.  Isn't that funny?  Then I had my main entree!  Jim, you'll never guess what it was.  "What was it Clyde?"  Gosh, don't act so excited
you party pooper.  What's your problem, you act like you're going to a funeral.  Anyway, I had the most succulent prime rib steak imaginable.  It was delicious.  I requested that they prepare it medium rare.  That's the best way you know, it keeps all of the blood in the meat.  Does that disgust you Shawn?  I see you cringed when I mentioned the blood.  Does that disgust you, because I really love that blood.
     "Alright Clyde, we're here, its time to shut up" No!  You haven't even heard what I had for desert yet you pig, I mean Jim.  Hi warden, do you know what I had for desert warden?  I had the biggest chocolate milkshake that you could possibly imagine.  They even made it thick, just like I wanted.  I had to eat most of it with a spoon.  It was just too thick to suck down with a straw.  
     Why are you all here?  Is this my trial?  I haven't seen my layer yet, I don't have my lawyer to help me.  Z Y X V U T S R Q P O N M      "Clyde this isn't your damn trial, now walk. Get up onto that chair and sit still."  Good, my feet were tired.  It's pretty hard to walk with these chains on.  Why do I wear these anyway?  I promise I'll pay my bill before I check out.  This is a little extreme, don't you think?
     Who are all those people in that window.  Oh boy, I'm getting my picture taken.  Look at that huge camera that one guy has.  Is that it, have I won something?  Is this like a throne or something?  Mama, is that you?  I thought you went home, why are you still here?  You knew about this prize the entire time didn't you?  Wow, you Have really kept this secret well.
     Hey Jim, what have I won?  This is a funny way of giving me the prize.  This throne is very uncomfortable.   This metal is cold and these straps are quite annoying.   How about I stand for a little while?  "Clyde, just try to relax and lean back, this won't last long.  There's nothing you can do to stop it now."  
     Stop what?  Who would want to stop themself from winning a prize.  That meal was a prize in itself, I can't imagine what this is.  I'm just glad my mama and brother are here to see me.  Where is Steve?  Mama is he with you?  Why are you still crying mama? You must be pretty darn happy to be crying like that.  But, where is Steve, He should definitely be here.
     "It's time Clyde.  The countdown is starting."  No, I need to see my brother.  "10, 9", Shut up you asshole, I want to see Steve.  "6, 5", Mama, where is Steve?  "3, 2" Steve?  "1"  STEEEVE!