Sara Etherington

     In the eyes of the guests the church fulfilled the setting of a fairy tale wedding.  The flower girls sauntered down the aisle, sprinkling amidst their feet delicate rose petals which fell to the ground like snowflakes in December.  Then came the four bridesmaids carrying small bouquets of roses intermingled with a whisper of baby's breath.  They were dressed exactly alike in long flowing dresses which moved with the curves of their bodies as they walked in step to the music.  The grooms men stood near the altar, looking like Greek gods in black tuxedos. They nervously shifted their weight from side to side as the eager guests whispered among themselves about the rose-colored decorations strewn through the pews and candelabras.  The delicate fingertips of the organist flew through the notes of Pachelbel's "Cannon in D", filling the mystical looking church with sounds from heaven.  In the eyes of the beholder, the church became the setting of a fairy tale wedding.  The room stood still as everyone anticipated the emergence of the Cinderella-like bride-to-be joining her prince charming.
     The entrance to the sanctuary remained still except for the private and unpredictable thoughts of father and the bride-to-be, Katherine.  The father stands at a distance admiring his daughter, who to him seemed to be radiating beams of light from her wedding dress.  Bowing his head slightly, he asks God to protect his only child from harm and to fulfill her need for perfection.
     Katherine looks down and gazes at the intricate bead work of her satin dress, and the light catches on her diamond studded wedding ring, symbolizing never ending love.  I there were and observer, this girl painted the exact portrait of a princess.  Her dark flowing hair fell in heavy ringlets down her back, to reveal the satin folds of the dress.  The neckline scooped down to reveal her tan muscular shoulders, which showed slight trembling from the illness, hidden from the naked eye.  Katherine's family described her as a strong and uplifting person whose life mirrored perfection.  Yet this so called perfection caused Katherine to keep her physical and emotional flaws locked up inside.  She pushed away the thoughts about the poison that was slowly flowing through her mind and concentrated her thoughts on her fear and apprehension about the upcoming marriage.
What if Tyler does not love me?
What if Tyler finds out that my body is not perfect?
What if the marriage does not last?
Will Tyler leave me when he finds out that my body is contaminated?
What if Tyler cheats on me?
What if Tyler leaves when my body starts to deteriorate?
Her carefully manicured fingernails rub softly on her temples as the throbbing of her head overcomes all thoughts.  Her mouth is dry and uncontrollable amounts of bile keep rising in her throat, and a pulsation heart leaps around in her chest.  While tear-filled eyes scan the room looking for an escape route from the church and her life.  Why did she refuse the urge to tell Tyler about her brain lesion? Stupid question, Katherine thought, how could a man who lost his first wife to cancer want to marry another stricken one?  If she would have been able to get him to break the engagement, she might have been able to leave quietly, but now we was stuck here to let others stare in horror as her mind decays before them.  Just as she turns to flee, a firm and reassuring grip encloses her shaking hand.  Her dark eyes raise up to meet the face of her father, the man she has trusted for a lifetime.  He has always given her unconditional love, but if he
knew her internal scarring would he still shower her with his love?  AS they walked to the massive oak doors that separated them from the pathway to her future, thoughts once again cloud her mind, a foggy memory takes her back three months ago to the fateful day that she was diagnosed.
     "Are you absolutely sure that it is a brain tumor?" she asked.
     "Yes, Katherine" replied Dr. Wilson. "You have a malignant brain tumor that has gone undetected for some time now.  But with chemotherapy your life can maybe be extended."
     "And without the chemotherapy, how long do I have?" a desperate Katherine question.
     "I would say two to two and a half months if you follow a strict lifestyle.  However, I highly recommend hat chemotherapy treatment is started immediately to slow down the tumor," Dr Wilson responded.
     Mortified by the shocking news, Katherine rose to leave the examination room.  As she walked out the door she turned back and fought through the tears to speak, "I do not want anyone else to know about my imperfect condition. This is my own private hell that I must deal with. No one will know that I am not perfect." Katherine's thoughts run through her mind.  Why should I receive chemo treatments and die a bald, weak, grotesque looking person when I can victoriously pass through this life and die in perfection?  If this doctor thinks that he can ruin my impeccable physical traits, he's dead wrong.  Katherine shut the door and walked through the halls of the hospital slightly slumped from the new burden pressing down on her shoulders.  She emerges into the warm bright day feeling like the world is closing in and suffocating her.
     The sharp notes of the wedding march jar Katherine's mind back to the present.  Her father gives her a nod as the ushers open the doors to expose the glowing smiles and tears of joy from the faces of friends and family, waiting to welcome the bride into her new life.  AS Katherine takes her first step onto the plush red carpet, her breaths come in short, heavy gasps that move her entire body.  She leans on the arm of her father for added support, but realizes that she needs emotional, mor than physical support.  They pass by the gazes of guests whispering about the angelic bride and Katherine focuses on Tyler, his hand stretched out to accept his new bride.
     The ceremony consists of songs and sermons on love and everlasting devotion.  The minister, draped in white robes, reaches for the wedding bands.  Tyler places the thin gold band on Katherine's slender finger, promising love through sickness and health.  Sickness, Katherine thinks, if he only knew how true these words are.  She takes Tyler's gold wedding band from the minister's hand and slowly slides it on the muscular finger of her husband.  AS a smile escapes Katherine's lips, the concluding song fills the air, and she reached for Tyler to receive the kiss symbolizing their new life together.  Tyler's arms encircle the tiny waist of his wife and pulls her close to his body and her head droops to show a placid smile on her lips.  Katherine's head pounds with excruciating pain as she forces her eyes to focus on Tyler before she collapses into his arms and loses consciousness.
     The intensive care room reeks of medicine and death as its stench permeates the very pores of her body.  Katherine lies on the sheets of rough sheets of the bed looking small and fragile.  Her wedding dress has long been removed and replaced with a crisp green hospital gown.  Tyler sits carefully be her side monitoring her every breath.  The respirator makes a hollow sound throughout the room as it slowly inflates her tired lungs.  Each machine connected to her represents the path between life and death.  Slowly her eyes open and focus on her husband.  Her chest heaves violently and her once perfect mouth twists grossly as the air escapes
her gray lips.
     "Tyler, sorry. . . hate me."
     "Katherine, why in the hell didn't you tell me?  I could have helped you."
     "Wife. . . dead. . .no. . .perfect. . .sick."
     "Dammit Katherine, I love you and would have helped you fight this.  Please don't leave me. . ."  Tyler's words turn into heavy cries that reduce him to a sobbing child.
     "Beautiful. . . ugly. . .perfect" Katherine's breaths come in slow hard gasps.
     "Katherine, please don't leave."
     "Perfection. . . victory" Katherine's lips contort into a sick smile that stays formed on her mouth as the last breath escapes and her head slumps over in triumph.  The room is heavy, the strong breezes drown out the screams of sorrow as they signify a soul leaving the earth.