We are:

Unapologetically Bartian

Explicitly Homerite

Openly Springfieldian.

1) I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
2) I will not waste chalk
3) I will not skateboard in the halls
4) I will not burp in class
5) I did not see Elvis
6) I will not draw naked ladies in class
7) I will not call the teacher "Hot Cakes"
8) Garlic gum is not funny
9) I will not Xerox my butt
10) Tar is not a plaything
11) I will not encourage others to fly
12) I will not trade pants with others
13) I will not drive the principal's car
14) I will not do that thing with my tongue
15) I am not a 32 year old woman
16) I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
17) I will not sell school property
18) I will not make flatulent noises in class
19) I will not sell school property
20) I will not belch the National Anthem
21) I will not sell land in Florida
22) I will not grease the monkey bars
23) I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
24) I will not do anything bad ever again
25) I will not show off
26) I will not sleep through my education
27) Nobody likes sunburn slappers
28) Spitwads are not free speech
29) High explosives and school don't mix
30) I will not bribe Principal Skinner
31) I will not squeak chalk
32) I will finish what I sta
33) "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
34) Underwear should be worn on the inside
35) I will not torment the emotionally frail
36) I will not carve gods
37) I will not aim for the head
38) I will not spank others
39) I will not barf unless I'm sick
40) I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
41) I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
42) I am not Dr. Death
43) I will not conduct my own fire drills
44) I will not spin the turtle
45) I will not snap bras
46) I will not prescribe medication
47) I will not bury the new kid
48) I will not teach others to fly
49) I will not bring sheep to class
50) A burp is not an answer
51) Coffee is not for kids
52) I will not eat things for money
53) I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call
54) The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
55) I will not call the principal "spud head"
56) Goldfish don't bounce
57) Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
58) I will not sell miracle cures
59) No one is interested in my underpants
60) I will not charge admission to the bathroom
61) I do not have diplomatic immunity
62) The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
63) I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
64) I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
65) I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
66) My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
67) I am not deliciously saucy
68) Organ transplants are best left to professionals
69) The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
70) No one is interested in my underpants
71) There are plenty of business like show business
72) Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
73) Beans are neither fruit nor musical
74) I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
75) I will not send lard through the mail
76) I will not dissect things unless instructed
77) I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
78) My homework was not stolen by a one armed man
79) Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
80) Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
81) "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
82) Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
83) I will not hang donuts on my person
84) I will not strut around like I own the place
85) "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
86) I do not have the power of attorney over first graders
87) I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
88) The First Amendment does not cover burping
89) Nerve gas is not a toy
90) I am not a lean mean spitting machine
91) The boys room is not a water park
92) Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
93) I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
94) Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
95) I am not certified to remove asbestos